There is a Chinese saying...

“The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is today.”

Parents in Seattle

In the last 2 weeks I have had:

  • My first time off taking a week off work
  • Parents reach Seattle on a roadtrip starting from Toronto
  • Made a day trip to Vancouver to visit the Richmond night market, worth it
  • All four wisdom teeth pulled at the dentist, also the first time being sedated
  • Felt lucky to have my parents be here to take care of me post-surgery
  • Brought my parents to visit new places in Seattle to try different things
  • Satisfaction knowing I was able to at least provide them with a nice stay here
  • My outlook and priorities in life reset in an optimistic way

Right now I’m feeling pretty burned out from all has been happening, but also content and fulfilled. This will shape up to be a quiet weekend of recharging and introspection.

背弃了理想;谁人都可以

I have to leverage the advantages I have right now. People stagnate when people get comfortable. But I finally had some alone time tonight to find clarity. I had been feeling very old and under-achieving lately, but now I want to believe this is a normal part of starting new life chapters. I am setting my next life goal on the 30 year old mark, which gives me 5 years to get where I want to be. Discounting external/environmental factors, I should be able to get there just by consistently exercising discipline. On a separate note, it has been over 15 years now and I still have the tendency to just sit and listen to music for hours and hours.

Resistance

I got started with this post around the start of May. It is now approaching the middle of June and I still have not written a single line. I get many thoughts throughout the day, some of which I feel deserve to be documented. But I can never seem to find the right words to express these thoughts in my head at the end of the day when I’m finally free to write. Maybe this is indication of a confused state of mind that I’m going through. Not sure what else to say.

Madness

A full month has since passed. Besides the pending move into a different living situation, I’m quite mentally settled into Seattle. There’s a feeling of excitement because I envision finally being able to setup a little jam studio at the new place. This will be the most permanent living situation I have had after alternating between school and internships all over the place over the last 6 years. I’ll gradually bring in a guitar, a keyboard, maybe an electronic drum kit and perhaps some recording equipment.

I also want to experiment with writing utopian fiction, and perhaps the occassional attempt at writing lyrics and then composing some melodies. I’ve also started a little pet project, an idea for a matchmaking service using Elo rankings. And in the midst of all this I’m fighting an emotional battle inside myself to not turn back and try reopening locked doors.