I have to leverage the advantages I have right now. People stagnate when people get comfortable. But I finally had some alone time tonight to find clarity. I had been feeling very old and under-achieving lately, but now I want to believe this is a normal part of starting new life chapters. I am setting my next life goal on the 30 year old mark, which gives me 5 years to get where I want to be. Discounting external/environmental factors, I should be able to get there just by consistently exercising discipline. On a separate note, it has been over 15 years now and I still have the tendency to just sit and listen to music for hours and hours.
I got started with this post around the start of May. It is now approaching the middle of June and I still have not written a single line. I get many thoughts throughout the day, some of which I feel deserve to be documented. But I can never seem to find the right words to express these thoughts in my head at the end of the day when I’m finally free to write. Maybe this is indication of a confused state of mind that I’m going through. Not sure what else to say.
A full month has since passed. Besides the pending move into a different living situation, I’m quite mentally settled into Seattle. There’s a feeling of excitement because I envision finally being able to setup a little jam studio at the new place. This will be the most permanent living situation I have had after alternating between school and internships all over the place over the last 6 years. I’ll gradually bring in a guitar, a keyboard, maybe an electronic drum kit and perhaps some recording equipment.
I also want to experiment with writing utopian fiction, and perhaps the occassional attempt at writing lyrics and then composing some melodies. I’ve also started a little pet project, an idea for a matchmaking service using Elo rankings. And in the midst of all this I’m fighting an emotional battle inside myself to not turn back and try reopening locked doors.
This picture was taken on day 1 of work. Apparently I have been gone for so long that the team thought I was dead. Now I have a skull resting awkwardly on the corner of my desk. I’m having a pretty nice time in general. But sometimes I get these strange moments where I am sitting in my room and suddenly wondering if this is how life will just gradually pass me by.
Just like I’ve been wanting for a while since I left, I’m finally back in Seattle again. I liked how the city was happening and alive, but at the same time not pretentious. It’s hard to describe exactly what makes Seattle special; I could say it has got a good balance but that would be an injustice/understatement to the city.
As a management engineering student we learned about all these deterministic optimization models, but the sad truth is that a lot of those concepts are too theoretical for real world applications. The fulfillment systems space is generally a good mix of software engineering and operations research; one topic I dealt with a lot at school, and another I have enjoyed doing for a while now.
It has been 4 days since I’ve been here. I’ve settled into a new living space, caught up with some friends and co-workers. I’m about to start a career I’m excited about in one of my favourite cities. Of course I miss my family and friends back home, but all things considered I think I’m in a really good place right now.